Now I know gazillions of people have already done this – I mean, writing a letter to their future boyfriends/ girlfriends or even themselves. And I’m jumping on the bandwagon because… well, I feel that my future beaux, whoever he may turn out to be, should know the following things. So here it goes:
To My Future Boyfriend Whom I Know Is Totally Awesome,
Hi! You may think I’m crazy for doing this, writing a letter even before we’ve met, or perhaps I already have, I just don’t know it’s you yet. I just wanted to say thanks for thinking that my craziness is adorable. I promise to act normal and sane – well, MOST of the time, anyway. Haha. 😀
By the way, I don’t know if you know yet but I think you’re brave. People – guys mostly – have never gone this far into my life before. And if you’re my boyfriend, well then you must have climbed that REALLY BIG wall I’ve built for myself.
You may be wondering why you had to climb that wall in the first place. Well, to tell you the truth, I didn’t build it on purpose. Lots of things happened to me since I was young and the bricks just kept falling into place over the years, one on top of the other, until it became a massive wall.
It was supposed to protect me from harm. I didn’t realize it would be so hard to break through it afterwards. And even I, myself, could not do it.
Over the years, I did not welcome even the slightest potential of love into my life. I refused it. I turned away from it. I cringed at the thought of it. Simply because I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe love could ever happen to me. And so if something like it showed up in my life, I considered it a fake. I always expect it to end, sooner or later. And so I thought: what’s the point of taking a chance, right? So I never did take a chance.
Do you know that song “The Only Exception” by Paramore (you probably know that they’re my favorite band) ? Well, the first time I heard it on the radio, it brought me to tears. I guess it’s because the lyrics spoke so much to me. Or should I say, about me?
Don’t get me wrong, I can love whole-heartedly. I love my family and friends very much. But even the closest friends I have, well, I shut them out of my life sometimes. I can’t even say they know me that well because I keep this happy and bubbly facade when I’m with them. They tell me their secrets and I keep them to a safe and deep place. But I keep my own secrets deeper.
Sometimes when I’m alone, I wonder why my friends like me. Do you wonder like I wonder, too? I don’t know. Anywaaaay. What I’m trying to say is, when it comes to relationships, I’m chicken shit.
But you’re here. Closer than anyone has ever been. So that means you must be very brave. Which makes me very brave. Brave enough to take a chance. 🙂
And because of that, I’m telling you the following things to help you understand. To help you stick around. To help you stay in my life even if I’m pushing you away.
These might be too much for you to handle, so take a deep breath. 😉
1. I might say hurtful things, but know that I don’t mean them.
Sometimes I do this to get my point across. But I really do not mean it. Whenever I do this, I would very likely feel guilty and hurt (for hurting you) afterwards.
2. I might ignore you sometimes.
But it doesn’t mean you don’t mean anything to me.
Mostly, it’s because I need my alone time. You know how you must keep a horse on a long leash? Well, that’s me. I’m a horse. Please let me run every now and then and don’t keep me tied in a tight rope. Rest assured, I will do the same for you. 🙂
3. Please don’t lie to me.
I hate liars because being lied to makes me feel insulted – like I’m stupid or something. If you did something bad, just tell me. Please don’t add insult to the injury. Chances are, I’d still love you. 😉
4. Please be patient with me.
I really am not a Princess sort of girl who’s always poised, prim and proper. I try to act like an elegant lady, but it’s hard when my personality tells me to do crazy stuff like dance (most likely, the “Nini Dance”. Haha) in the middle of the street out of nowhere or say the damnest things because I can. Please tolerate my silliness. Thank you. :-*
5. Please try to love my family and friends.
Because I love them so much.
6. Please let me hang out with you and your guy friends.
I’m not saying you have to take me to every game or boys night out or whatever you guys do. I just want to get to know the people that make you happy. So that I would know how to make you happy.
7. It’s easy to make me happy.
I don’t really mind if you take me to the most expensive restaurant or simply bring me ice cream. I wasn’t raised in a luxurious home with a lavish lifestyle. I was raised to appreciate even the littlest things. So if you surprise me with peanuts or kwek-kwek or anything, that would surely bring a smile on my face. It would feel nice to receive the occasional bouquet of flowers, though. *Wink *Wink.
Most likely, these are celebrity guy crushes. So you don’t have to worry about that. You’re still the sexiest thing on Earth. And Adam Levine probably doesn’t know I exist. 😉
9. I love intelligent conversations.
I’m not saying we have to talk about the Periodic Table, Rene Descartes or Global Warming. That’s what classrooms are for, right? Lol. 😀
I’m just saying, I hope that despite my silliness, we can also talk about stuff that make sense. Like your dreams and my dreams. Or why people act the way they do. And I hope you don’t get intimidated if I quote things and theories I’ve read in books and magazines. And I hope you can share some things you know, too. 🙂
Lastly, I reveal the ugliest part of me:
10. I always try to say goodbye.
I’m sorry, I can’t help it. But because of what happened in the past, there’s an ugly voice inside that keeps on telling me to “dump you before you dump me.” Please, please don’t believe me all the time. It’s the ugly voice talking to you, not me.
With these revelations, I hope you got to understand me more. Most men would probably run for the hills if they found out these things about a girl.
But I hope you’re not most men. I hope you’ll still stick around after this. I hope you understand that it wasn’t very easy for me to let you into my life in the first place and entrust you with my heart.
But I hope that if you do go away, you will remember that I was willing to jump with you. And that’s something I never have done. So that must mean one thing: You mean a lot more to me than you will ever know.
This is all getting kind of dramatic, so on a parting note, I just wanna say, while I was writing this line, I did something unforgivable: I farted. HAHAHAHA :-p
Oh. And by the way, you are awesome. 😉
Nini, Your Future Girlfriend.